Tie It Up With A Bow

Weather: 86 & sunny
Drinks: Margaritas

Isn’t that the best way to end things? Maybe there’s no hug or kiss, or even a longing wave . . .or slammed door, final expletive or legal action for that matter. .. but it’s over and was a short and furious run at that.

Roll Credits.

What I’m trying to say is at least Liar’s Wife had the dignity to leave with poise and grace. Unlike her counterpart, who sucked the life from my chest for very nearly 12 long months. . . she kept things short and sweet, packed her bags and took the first float plane off the island yesterday afternoon.

So what fate shall befall this tortured and heartbroken woman? Her last words to me were she doesn’t hate me or have any ill will, but for her own sake and the sake of her marriage she needs to cease contact with me in order to move on.

She’s planning to stay with Liar, at least for the near term and try to work things out.

I don’t blame her, in many ways. It’s easy for us all to say “He Cheated! And Lied! And Lied! And Lied!” and know deep down she should drop his sorry ass and never look back.

But there are 4 kids at stake. And a 13 year history. It takes longer than a week for that kind of stuff to completely unravel. Sure – it got ripped wide open to the most sensitive areas which will NEVER be repaired, but there’s a long way to go before she can do anything more than just be paralyzed at this point.

And I can only say that because I’ve been there. It is sickening both watching from the inside and for those watching on the outside. As much as you want to scream and shout and wave flags . . .it can only run it’s own course the way she needs it to go. From what I gathered from her in the very short time I knew her, she’s a VERY SHARP woman . . and will be just fine.

And more than anything I appreciate her honesty with me. And willingness to talk to me. It’s helped me more than anything to reconcile the whole deal in such a short time.

So we’re all moving onward and upward. At least that’s where I’m headed. And wouldn’t be surprised if a year or so from now a divorce record finds its way on the books. I’ll try not to remember to check next Labor Day weekend. . ..

Oh, She’s Dying!

Weather: Scatered showers
Drinks: Mimosas

Since we need more DRAMA & monetarily demanding events on La Isla BlueBella . . . what started out as an oil change and a tire check turned into a “Your Car is Dying!” dialogue from the dealership.

“She’s leaking oil from every orifice!” he shouted.

“But can’t you fix it pretty please . . .for like less than a bajillion dollars?!” I pleaded.

“Dammit Lady, I’m a service tech, not a magician!” he stammered.

Ugh. Oh yeah, and you’ve got to be effing kidding me. Because I need ONE MORE BILL.

And to be thinking about buying a new vehicle. My old girl has served me well for the past 7 years. And three car seats fit in a row nicely in the back. And I’m ok with an 11 year old car with blown out speakers. She’s gotten me around since my divorce for christsakes! She’s practically an icon!

But now my friends are teasing me about mini-vans. Old Mother Hubbard needs a freaking bus. But what I’d really like is a fuel efficient SUV (oxymoron I know – quit sniggering) that doesn’t cost a million dollars or have a million miles.

Which got me thinking: I just need something practical. Its funny how once you reach a certain point, some things just don’t matter. I’m in my 30’s. A Single Mom on a single income. I have a big house payment. And a big Nanny payment. I need a tiny car payment. And will therefore put up with just about anything we can get away with that fits us all safely and comfortably and worry free for the next couple of years. Even if it may be a *shiver* mini-van-esque-mobile. . .

Did I just say that? Will you still be my friend?

So what is going to happen is the dealership is supposed to call me this afternoon and arrange for me to test drive some vehicles that fit into my pre-described parameters and credit capabilities.

What I’d rather have happen, despite my loathsome perspective on the male-kind of our species these days, is to have a man take care of this crap. As progressive as I like to think of myself, there are still gender specific duties I hold dear. Like car crap. That is a MAN DUTY. But I will NOT ask my Dad to do this for me. He’s already a well whipped slave in my world as of late.

So instead of spending my afternoon wondering how I’m going to squeeze a car payment into the budget I’d rather just show up at home to a shiny new ride with a bow on top, compliments of Mr. Rich-Wonderful. And look down at my ring finger that’s suddenly heavy with a ginormous wedding ring . . .and realize all the mail in the mail box is addressed to Mr & Mrs. Rich-Wonderful. Yep – that’s Me!

Oh lordy. Wish me luck. At the dealership. I have the distinct impression my driveway will only contain the Nanny’s car when I arrive home tonight. . . .

Let's Play Doctor

Weather: 78 & sunny
Drinks: Iced buckets of Coronas

So I'll get comfy on this lounger and you be the shrink, OK?

I just wrote up a HUGE post about LIAR and deleted it. I ran out of energy to spend on him.

I texted his wife a couple of times tonight as I'm having a lot of trouble digesting this all. Why would he do this to me? Why keep lying to for 12 effing months?! To what end? He obviously didn't want to be with me, or he would have been. But why keep up the rouse? Why make up these absurd stories including minute details about getting injured and his buddy getting killed?!

WTF?!

I'm just not processing it all. And the worst part is knowing I will never get answers from him about it. Nor do I want them. Even if I did I wouldn't believe a word out of his mouth.

And my 12 months of daydreaming about this man is nothing compared to his wife's 13 total years invested with him. And their 4 kids.

She sent me a pic of their family tonight. They are a handsome clan. To say he made the biggest mistake of his life is a gross understatement. She's gorgeous. Their kids are gorgeous. It just doesn't make an ounce of sense.

He could have just lied to me to get me in the sack and then broken things off. But he didn't. He let me believe there was a future. Even after telling him about Angelfish he feigned forgiveness and was willing to move on.

What in the HELL for?!

His ego? Power? Control? To get one over on a single Mom who's already been ROYALLY FUCKED by her kids' father?!

I'm just in awe. And horror. And saddened because I'm not the only one who got hurt here. My hurt is mild compared to the flaying Amy is going through.

I hope Karma catches up with this bastard. And his dick rots off. And Amy makes him eat it. And sends me a picture.

Whew. I feel better. Kinda. So what's your diagnosis, Doc?

Giving Away Stuff Always Makes Me Feel Better

Weather: 85 & partly cloudy
Drinks: Pina Coladas

Amazingly, I did manage to fulfill my end of a bargain this weekend.

Mind you it's only ONE bargain of a few, but one fulfilled nonetheless.

So I made these little tidbits for the gals that emailed me about their winnings:

And managed to get the crappiest pictures on earth for all my effort. One thing I can promise, if you order jewelry or win jewelry (more likely) from me you're never gonna be sure of exactly what it's going to look like until you get it based on my photographic skillz.

But they're prettier in person, scouts honor. . . and no those aren't teeth in the top pic necklace . . .those are shells. I didn't go totally Crocodile Dundee for effing sakes.

So thanks to all for playing and allowing me to do something in return to keep my mind off all the drama. And thanks, too, for all the kind words and thoughts about the situation. Gracefully stepping aside and letting my life move on is the direction I'm choosing, and while it's kinda scary and unknown, that's part of the excitement. There's a whole new world of possibilities out there. I just have to choose wisely. Or let Mom & Dad buy me a husband. Which I won't.

In other news - we went in for the repeat 4D ultrasound on Saturday . . .and her position was even worse. . . she'd flipped breech, tucked her head into my back and had her feet firmly planted against her forehead. Little TURD. So all we got was a great leg shot, girl parts, butt and feet. Oh yeah, and a thumbs up.

The tech told me to call her later in the week and see if we can try again, but I might just give up for now. Apparently Miss Angelfish has some secrets to keep so I will respect her privacy. For now. If she was one of the twins she would be born next Friday and I would get to see her in the flesh anyways, so there!

But all in all it was a successful weekend. And Starfish has finally broken through the *last* of her molars (please God please) so will hopefully be on the upswing to a less dramatic temperment. I did get a lot of good holds from her which was nice, but not so nice when she's screaming. Poor sweetie. I tried to keep her doped up and numbed up once I realized what the problem was, but she bites (really effing hard!), so sticking a finger in her yap is taking a risk at losing limb, and I didn't figure it out right away. Anywho, she's on the mend now.

Sea Monkey figured out how to use my DVD remote to control the lights above the fireplace. Click the Play button once for on or off and click rapidly to make them dim . . . . only my 17 month old son could figure that one out. I'm still shaking my head.

Hope you all had a good and relaxing weekend . . . and here's to a drama free week!!!

She Wants To Meet

Weather: 82 & sunny
Drinks: Homebrew by Lucky Manny


and at first I said yes. So we tentatively scheduled for Sunday.


And then today I backed out. I'm just not ready to face Liar's (FKA Sniper) Wife. Were you in my shoes, would you be?


If I was not pregnant it wouldn't be as much of a problem I don't think, but at 29 weeks (1 week from twins!) I just don't want to tempt fate with a very emotional and high stress event.


But I really, really feel for her. I think about her often. In fact, I woke up at 4 am and wrote a mental letter to them - the Mr & Mrs - about my feelings on the course of events this past year and since last Tuesday night. It was cathartic . .. but also pissed me off for missing out on an hour's worth of sleep. . .


She called me Friday night and we talked. It reminds me of talking to myself. It is very strange. I hear her saying things I say. Maybe that is one of the reasons Liar held on to me for so long. . . I was familiar and comfortable to him. . . just not with 10 years & 4 kids worth of experience together.

But all in all we are doing ok. I feel sort of lost and empty . . . hollow, you know? But also relieved. And my folks have made several offers to arrange a marriage or buy me a husband. Meh. I'd rather be alone, thank you.

Oh yeah, and remember this post at the very end? That, my friends, is Liar's Wife. Hmmmmm . . .curious.

Fallout & Friends

Weather: 88 & sunny skies
Drinks: Lucky Manny's made up some homebrew special for this weekend - yummy!

Whew – thanks for the party, girls! I really, really needed that.

What amazing friends I have. And that wicker-man you made for the bonfire was awesome. Burn baby, burn!

So today we’re back to reality and I’m hunched over the sink, hard at work at the task of scrubbing, bleaching and applying a blowtorch to my befouled dignity in an attempt to scour it back to something worthy of calling my own.

I’ve even sewn some sturdy patches on my pride, too. Wow – we may just get through this!

But then I did a bad thing. And got lonely last night. And texted Poke.

Luckily I fell asleep before he answered and only came in to an email from him this morning. What did I want from him aside from the usual? I guess just to be consoled.

How pathetic is that?!

But other than the whole baby Mama thing with him he’s been a supportive guy to me. And begged for Angelfish to be his.

I know, I KNOW! But at least I’m honest about it. And when you fall down, who doesn’t want someone to kiss your boo-boo? Teh heh.

So where’s a Topless Pillow Fight Friday Night when you need one?! I think I see some teams forming up on the beach . . . grab your drinks & let’s head on down there. . .

Well Then

Weather: Rain
Drinks: Shots - anything you want

Ahem. Let me compose myself.

I have been trying to do that since Monday night thankyouverymuch.

Let’s try the moral of the story first, since nothing makes sense anymore.

What I’ve learned is no matter how blatantly & obsessively HONEST you are with someone, doesn’t mean they will return the favor . .. EVER. You can bare your soul and air your deepest fears . .. which in turn will be stomped on and used against you.

Hmmmmm . . . didn’t we just learn this lesson with Asshat? And with Sperm Donor before that??

So then, down to what happened. We have a few winners, BTW – you girls know my life so well it hardly stands to reason one could get pulled over on you.

Tuesday night I’m sitting in front of TV and get a text. Ohhhhh . .. it’s Sniper. Yum. I open it up and it’s a *Duplicate* of one of his texts from Monday noon. Weird I think. A few minutes later I get another beep and it’s another *Duplicate* of another text he sent me Monday. Both were filthy and delicious. . . but something’s not right. So I text him back, “You texting me, baby?”

To which he replies, “Yes what you doing?”

Oh goodie methinks. It’s finally night time and he’s got time to talk. So I text back something dirty and wait for a response.

Instead, a call comes in from a number I don’t recognize. I flip it to VM quickly. Then, a minute later, Sniper’s ringing in.

Double goodie methinks!

“Hey baby,” I purr into the phone.

“Who is this?!” a violently angry woman screams.

“Who’s this, you called me?!” I reply, stunned.

“This is Sniper’s WIFE!!!”

Sniper’s WIFE, with whom he has been married for TEN YEARS . .. . and has FOUR KIDS.

And suddenly I can hear Sniper’s voice in the background, and his wife hangs up.

I am shaking, my mind reeling.

She calls back a few minutes later, and the questions start. Before I answer I say, “If I answer your questions will you answer mine?” She agrees.

And the truth starts to unfold.

I met him a year ago, on a night out with Snorkel. Very first thing I asked him was he single? To which he replied yes – never married, no kids. And the first words out of his mouth were the first lies, and no truth ever followed. Ever.

Everything he ever told me was in one way, shape or form, a LIE.

He never left the state. At all. For anything this past year. He has been here in town the entire time. In fact, I drove by their house on my way to pick up the twins from daycare EVERY SINGLE DAY until I got the Nanny. You can see their house from the street I drove on.

I tried to look him up when we first met. Nothing came up. And I assumed it was because of the nature of his work. What it really was was a misspelling of his name and an incorrect birthdate. His wife gave me the real ones. And instantly his info was at my fingertips.

She and I talked again yesterday morning. She wanted more answers as he has filled her head with lies, too, trying to cover all this up. As much as I didn’t want to hurt her I wanted her to have the answers she needed. I told her I had no idea he was married. I apologized, profusely. But there is no amount of comfort to offer this woman, who trusted this man with everything, her whole life. . . and now the image of her very existence is shattered. My heart breaks for her.

And it’s broken in me, too, but in a different way. The dream I had been keeping in my head of what could be and what would be is now gone. In some ways it hurts me very much. I thought I knew someone. I trusted him. I gave out my every vulnerability as a newly single Mom of twin preemies who had been raked over the coals by their father. And he used it all against me for his own benefit.

It’s hard to piece it all together in my mind. There’s so much to think about and so much I want to say, but on the other hand, part of me is relieved to no longer have to hold this torch for someone who was there but was not.

I can at least cut ties emotionally without a huge amount of baggage and move on. Unlike his wife, who is left to think long and hard about her next move with this man. Her sense of security and trust is forever changed in a way she never dreamed, and never had to experience before. Unlike me, who’s been down this path and beaten a pretty good trail through the undergrowth.

All I’m left to ask is Why? Why am I again faced with this situation of sorting out the details of a web of lies a man has built between two women? Didn’t we just do this in January with Ex-Girlfriend? Why am I again on the phone with a woman talking through the truth of why whom she perceives as her man is found in my bed? And why am I left wondering what is so lacking about me that I’m simply not enough for someone & deserve to be lied to time and time again?

Or that being honest and truthful about my situation of being a single Mom, being scared to get involved and get hurt never does any good? My words are just skimmed over and placated by whatever it takes to keep me on the line until he’s either through with me or caught?

It feels like every approach I have taken to dating someone has been derailed in a new and even more sadistic way than before. It makes me want to throw in the towel on the whole thing and just rattle around in the emptiness left behind.

I don’t know how much more my heart can take. It hurts. A LOT. There is a fine line between being alone and being lonely, and riding it every day creates a sort of numbness that’s hard to recognize until something like this happens. It hurts, but then you flip the switch and say, “Everything is going to be alright!” Dammit.

I want to think that, but it’s getting weary. I want to think I’m worth that . . .especially from someone I think is worth it, too.

But with 3 kids it will be far from easy. Especially considering my luck to date. Perhaps there are different lessons for me to learn instead of enjoying marital bliss. My skin is to be hardened to prepare me for something I cannot yet imagine.

Maybe it is because I’m meant to be alone. I certainly hope not. But if it is so, then I will do it with my 3 kids in tow, and plod ahead boldly and try not to dream too much about what might be missing.

My kids are enough. And how they got here to me is really starting to seem like just a dream.

Eh. Bleck.

If you guessed right in our little contest please email me your address to bluebellababe@yahoo.com & I’ll send you your prize. I’ve got some homemade island earrings for you – please pick red, turquoise, white/cream or green & brown. In fact everyone who sends me their address will get a pair. Now that Sniper’s GONE ON to become The LIAR I’ve got a whole lotta extra LOVE to go around!!!